No You May Not Watch West Wing

Wah waaaaaah

All right let's get this out of the way. Someone asked so I'm just going to clear it up. To hell with the West Wing. I hate it. The West Wing poisoned an entire generation of mostly Democratic television watchers. Campaigns are the worse for that show. So the real answer to this stupid question is "Nonvoter why don't you watch something a little less inappropriate and vulgar, like hardcore pornography?"

But since it was asked, here are my thoughts on characters on the West Wing and the acceptability of the Nonvoter liking/emulating them:

UPDATE: All right folks, I got schooled on this and rightfully so. Almost all of the original characters I wrote up were white men. That's on me. I could put it on Sorkin's writing, but I won't. So I added a few more. However I am not writing about Charlie, because being the explicit token black hire as a personal valet is a depressing career choice.

Bruno: I have no idea what this ULTRA TEEVEE CONSULTANT did to earn his multimillion dollar contracts, so I'm going to just assume it was nothing, and that he got paid eight figures to do crossword puzzles at White House senior staff. Also, he switched parties as a retirement gesture. That's pretty boss if you can pull it off.   ASSESSMENT: Go forth and make me proud, son!

Joey: I would rather the Nonvoter give consulting and politics a pass entirely, but if he must follow in my footsteps, and he must do honest work for market-rate pay, I'd rather he take after Joey. She does a job, she does it well. She has corporate clients as well as political ones. She doesn't get into the ego soothing game. She just shows up and polls and that's that. Job well done. ASSESSMENT: Just so long as you don't do something stupid like vote.

Sam: We're getting into sketchy territory here. Sam was a regular offender in the soaring bullshit tearjerker speech that inexplicably makes things happen. Also, he went to run for Congress (blech) in Orange County (gag). But on the other hand Sam did make his fortune before he went to go play at politics, and he managed to step right back into making stupid obscene money working for deeply awful people. I can respect that. ASSESSMENT: If you must.

CJ: CJ is not that bad, grading on the terrible curve of show characters. She's good at her job, she has a conscience but isn't too loud about it, and anyone who has to deal with the press all day always has my heartfelt sympathies. On the other hand, she went about it all the wrong way, only making a little money before getting into politics and cashing in after rising to the top. That's respectable, but the safer bet is always money first, freakshow-as-government after. So if the Nonvoter really wants to do it the hard way, sure. ASSESSMENT: I guess it will build character.

Leo: In the same category as Sam, in that he made his money before getting into elections and all that nonsense. But he also had a pretty crummy personal life, got picked for vice president basically to just piss everyone else off, and died an early death from a bum ticker. ASSESSMENT: Quit while you're ahead. Also watch out for fried foods.

Ainsley: I mean...sure. Being the token hire from the other party is an entirely respectable career decision, and there's decent enough money in it. But if that's the way the Nonvoter wants to go, I'd recommend holding out for something higher and better than assistant associate counsel or whatever. After all, she gave up a pretty great gig as a cable news shouter for that. ASSESSMENT: Just stick with the cable news gig! There's no shame in it!

Louise: No! No no, NO! Snapping off internet burns is not good consulting! It isn't even consulting at all! We have Twitter for that! And that meeting where everyone was just blowing smoke up Josh's ass to get a piece of the media buy? WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT A PIECE OF THE MEDIA BUY? ASSESSMENT: Get a real job, son.

Josh: Um. How to say this. He opens by offering his ex-girlfriend a job just so he can boss her around (complete with taunting her about writing an organizational chart that just says he gets to boss her around), he gets another girlfriend fired for the high crime of doing her job and promoting women's health, and the top of his self-actualization pyramid is fucking his assistant. ASSESSMENT: Son we need to talk about women and relationships.

Toby: Everyone, EVERYONE hates Toby. Even people with the bad sense and taste to like the West Wing hate Toby. Because he's an asshole. Not even a funny one or a smart one. He's just mean. And he's not the "idealist." Good grief, the whole cast fits the "misunderstood idealist" billing. He's a self-pitying martyr. And he committed treason! Treason isn't okay! Even if budget cuts mean some astronauts are going to die! And setting all that aside...he's a real jerk to his father, who comes off as a decent sort even though his job was pretty lousy/evil/etc. :( :( :( ASSESSMENT: Don't be like Toby.

Bartlet: Having worked in professional politics for many years now I'm kind of horrified at the thought that a parent would want his child to grow up and be president. You want your offspring to spend at least four years begging rich people for money, promising favors he will never be able to deliver, getting screamed at by everyone from Twitter to [cable news station in opposition to your preference], marked for death by various lunatics and requiring round the clock protection? But even setting aside the, like, actual job...Bartlet? Really? Covering up a severe, erratic mental disability, killing heads of state during diplomatic excursions, chickening out from doing his damn job when his daughter is kidnapped, and responding to members of Congress and your own staff getting blown to bits with a peace summit? Forget bad president, that guy's a self-indulgent psychopath. Don't run for president, but if you do, aim higher than Sorkin Jesus. ASSESSMENT: YOU ARE NO LONGER MY SON!